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split with will colvin

by cullan bonilla

supported by
Michelle McNamara
Michelle McNamara thumbnail
Michelle McNamara first found this album towards the end of high school about 7 years ago maybe and “mother bear” is the most emotionally compelling song I’ve ever heard, still listening on loop in 2021 Favorite track: mother bear.
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1.
i think about that night sometimes the long walks and the streetlights and i wonder if again i’ll ever feel so alive i’ve lost a lot of things since then i know the same is true for you our faces grew old before we had the chance to and i hope you haven’t forgotten
2.
we are parallel lines we run side by side but we will never meet separately we grow and that’s the saddest thing i know you were the first who knew
3.
friend? 02:03
there are kids outside playing ball and laughing i can hear all the fun they are having i could keep being bitter, i could shut them out or i could open the window wider and try to feel good myself i’m tired and i’m sick and i’m sad i wanna say it’s better but it’s getting pretty bad i could ignore everyone, i could curl into myself or i could stop being proud and admit that i need help i’m making to-do lists inside my mind and never allotting myself enough time i could keep growing angry and steadily overwhelmed or i could take things step by step and stop being hard on myself i could try to be my own friend
4.
when you look back on your life and all of your time did you do something productive or did you waste it like mine? with too much guitar when you should have been doing homework, you sang some songs with some friends you drink a lot, smoke a lot, you get burnt a lot but these are the days where things waste away and anything could fall into place because we’re all rolling downhill, downhill we’re all rolling downhill, downhill we’re all rolling downhill, downhill it’s the mountain that confuses us we’re all just trying to break the mold we’re all just trying to never grow old and i can not believe that every single thing i see was invented as an idea inside of someone else’s head because we’re all rolling downhill, downhill we’re all rolling downhill, downhill we’re all rolling downhill, downhill it’s the mountain that confuses us and every single thing i do in my life is like climbing to the top and every single time i get there, i realize i’m five or six or seven miles off and should i just keep walking? should i just keep climbing? if i try my best and fail miserably, would you still love me? will i still be your best best buddy? and if i lose my footing and fall down the trail, will you come after me or will you already be at the bottom? because we’re all rolling downhill, downhill we’re all rolling downhill, downhill we’re all rolling downhill, downhill it’s the mountain that confuses us
5.
i am the mother bear riding the storm in the cave where my cubs were born trying to give them a better shot at life than the hunter that took both of theirs and i feel like a failure, failure is my new best friend i am watching the pictures on the cave walls reading the stories that are already set in stone i wish i could change the past but i know that i won’t so tonight i sleep alone i am the mother bear riding the storm in the cave where my cubs were born i’ve been told that the hunter will be proud of them he’ll bring them inside his home and show them to his friends he’ll tell stories about them and maybe he’ll watch them grow and maybe he’ll watch them grow i hope he’ll watch them grow and i know that he won’t i know that i won’t and maybe he'll watch them grow and maybe he'll watch them grow i hope he'll watch them grow and i know that he won't i know that he won't i am the mother bear riding the storm in the cave where my cubs were born i am the mother bear, i am the mother bear and tonight i sleep alone
6.
i need more time to think of another goddamn rhyme to make you smile for the very first time all we talk about is life, all we think about living it i need more time to make up my mind you’re overdue, so say goodbye to your neck tattoo it’ll be gone all winter, covered up by your favorite sweater and how are things in ohio? they’re building jersey from the ground up i need you in my life i am less of a mess when you’re by my side and if i could play the drums, you would love me more than you do now but i can’t play the drums, so i’ll sit here and just fuck around

about

engineered, mixed, and mastered by jonathan elfers of psychedelfers recording studio. recorded at supermagic studios. album artwork by elizabeth barr.

credits

released June 2, 2013

cullan bonilla - ukulele/drums/vox
will colvin - guitar/vox

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cullan bonilla Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

doesn’t make music

photo by rider doolittle

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